These can be used in the weekly ward bulletin to create an on-going interest in family history and temple work.
Of the 500, maybe 50 are really good which would be enough for a year. You can modify some of the rest to come up with your own version and perhaps generate enough for a 2nd year.
Our Sunday bulletin entry would look like this:
Family History: Don’t be in the welfare line at the temple. Get your name from the Ordinance Ready file.
———————————————
Here are my quips and zingers:
1. How are you doing in the two-fold mission of the church? … What? Who said there are three?
2. – Don’t be in the welfare line at the temple. Get your name from the Ordinance Ready file.
3. Do you ever get tired of waiting??? So do they.
4. A family intervention on the other side may be motivating you.
5. The fastest way to help yourself is to help an ancestor.
6. If your family history is “all done”, tell that to your ancestors. They didn’t get the word from the warden.
7. Some of the dead are more alive that some of the living.
8. Attend the baptism of an ancestor – take their name to the temple.
9. Pink and blue and yellow at the temple means one of your ancestors is having a party.
10. There’s a record on earth and a record in heaven. The second isn’t available until we look for the first.
11. Can you use your last 20 years to make up for the first 60? Yes, but an older model isn’t as zippy.
12. “New” sources are often hid in old covers.
13. It’s impossible to save yourself without saving others. There are no hermits in the Celestial Kingdom.
14. If it is to be, it’s up to me.
15. Many are called, but few show up.
16. Heavenly email comes in the form of “Now that’s a good idea!”
17. If you think you enjoyed the temple session today, how do you think they felt?
18. Family history for children: Draw it. Date it. Save it. Their grandchildren will think it’s awesome.
19. Get references on your celestial resume. Contact an ancestor.
20. “Find” and ancestor… and they’ll baby-sit your children — in a way you can’t.
21. Need help with your living children? Do something so that your ancestors’ prayers will reach towards heaven on your behalf.
22. In family history, there’s the fast way and the slow way. I prefer the fast.
23. Do you want a standing ovation? Take a name to the temple.
24. One of your ancestors looks just like you. Check out some old family photos.
25. Family history can help erase a multitude of sins. And who of us doesn’t have a multitude to erase?
26. Have a family reunion at the temple. Send an invitation to an ancestor to meet you there.
27. You’re the ancestor of someone later. Leave a history for them.
28. How important is the work for the dead? Ask one of them.
29. Patience is not a virtue when you are putting off doing something good.
30. Doing something is better than doing nothing noisily
31. Sign at Dyslexic convention in Hell: Just say “on” to family history.
32. Each ancestor is the center of their universe. Go in and visit.
33. Want to meet a new friend who will repeat your name 100 times? Meet them at the temple.
34. The only way for others to leave spirit prison is through your front room.
35. You can get out of your house thru many doors and windows… they can get out of spirit prison only thru one door .. and it has your address on it.
36. Not all inmates are bad. Some of your finest family members are in spirit prison.
37. Ever feel restricted, bossed around, limited? Try trading places with your gg-grandpa who is in spirit prison.
38. Your gg-grandma went to spirit prison. They said she could make one call… but your line was busy…. a lot.
39. In the gospel, it isn’t the speed but the direction that is critical.
40. It’s almost ironic. I can either help you out of spirit prison… or share your cell when I get there.
41. You are the central figure for all who came before you and all who will come after you.
42. If not now, when? Today is yesterday’s “later”.
43. Breathe deeply twice. According to King Benjamin, you now owe the Lord “2”. Do you have a repayment plan?
44. If you don’t do a good thing, does it make any difference if your reason was rational, well-articulated, and thought-out … or lame, silly and ridiculous?
45. After your final curtain call, after your cast has gone home, is your ancestral audience still cheering wildly?
46. It’d be a shame to reach your peak at lackluster.
47. Family History and Temple Work are like a fine crème brulee, sweet and savory, except the wonderful, rich after-taste of family history lingers on and on and on.
48. Family History are like a meat sandwich, a nice wheatie start and end, with a little baloney in the middle.
49. As you do their family history, hundreds of your family members on the other side will insist you live right next door to them… imagine how breathtaking their surroundings are.
50. What a wonderful place this kingdom will be, if I love family as I love me.
51. Do you believe in love at first sight? Or .. should I drive my family history-mobile by again?
52. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then some people must really love family history.
52. Do you know why older people are so active in family history? They’re cramming for their finals.
54. The avalanche of the Spirit of Elijah starts out one snowflake at a time.
55. Family history is like a tooth. If you ignore it long enough, it goes away … and so do you.
56. Don’t let a short burst of what doesn’t take precedence, last a lifetime.
57. In the gospel, it may not matter how much you do, but only that you do it often.
58. I’m busy. Try me again in 50 years.
59. No movement on the treadmill of life is movement.
60. I can’t tell you something you don’t already know, but I can tell it to you again… they’re not dead. They are over there. Look, can’t you feel them?
61. Your ancestor may have a ski mask on here but on the other side of the veil he is in plain daylight. Ask someone there to help identify him.
62. After Mr. Family history-want-a-be died, his tombstone read: “After all is said and done, there is usually more said than done.”
63. We may be eloquent with our intentions, but if nothing results, it is called a whole lotta’ “blarney, blather and poppycock.”
64. May we introduce Dr. and Mrs. Family history and their three children, woulda, shoulda and coulda.
65. There are many of the church who profess me, but know me not, for I am found in the temple.
66. In life, don’t mistake the 90% dribble for the 10% substance. Take an ancestor to the temple.
67. A gentile approach to family history and temple work: “Yah, whatever.” Isn’t it nice to be in the clear minority, the weak, the few, the exalted.
68. There’s a kingdom of difference between the goodly and the godly.
69. He who blows his horn the loudest is usually in the biggest fog.
70. This is serious work.
71. Let’s have your birthday party at the jail, that way your ancestors can come.
72. Give your ancestor an unforgettable birthday present – a “get out of jail” card. They are available at the temple.
73. This next year, every one of your ancestors will celebrate another birthday. I wonder where they’ll have the party… in or out?
74. Wake up! In the “work for the dead”, the “dead” are those who are receiving not those who are doing the work.
75. Are you alive or dead in the “work for the dead?”
76. It’s not easy to rest from “no labor.” The only rest from “no labor” is labor.
77. Your ancestor’s coffin has room for only one. If you’re not “alive” in the work for the dead, you would want to order your own.
78. Too much entertainment makes you spiritually sluggish. A family history workout, three times a week, would put some tone back into that spiritual countenance.
79. Let the prisoners go free. You are the key.
80. Ruth and Naomi are tracting in the spirit world. They convert your Aunt Lizzie. Guess who needs to arrange for her baptism at the temple.
81. Would having to wait 100 years bug you? Then, — Let the faithful be bugged!
82. Did you know “family history” starts with the letter “u”. Now look in the mirror and say out loud, “U” are the key.
83. How will the Second coming be for you personally? Great or dreadful?
84. There are three ways to not be toast at the second coming: Tithing (DC 64:23), Be meek and obedient (DC 35:15) and Family history (DC 128:24). Are you threefold protected?
85. If you have to look four places to find your ancestor, by definition you can’t start with #4. If you do, you’ll find them in #3, unless you looked 4-3-2-1, then they’re in the 1st place which you found last.
86. Do you know how to differentiate between the foolish and the wise virgins? One group has high video game scores, a subscription to “My Favorite Star” and thinks temple work is for old people; and the other is wiser.
87. Remember the two sock rule: One on the floor is decoration, two on the floor are hazardous waste… either way, it gives you something to write about in your journal.
88. There’s a kingdom of difference between childish and child-like. One throws a temper tantrum, the other a temple trip.
89. Will the afflictions of your suffering ancestors be for a small moment … or a big one?
90. Give your ancestors a chance to blast through your mountain of good intentions.
91. Email an ancestor @ proxy.com.
92. If they had a class at the local community college about you, what would it be called? Family history, Fun-ology, or Meathead-ology.
93. Is your family history-mobile built for looks, speed or endurance? You do have one, don’t you?
94. A successful temple trip includes going.
95. Does the few include you?
96. A temple isn’t meant to be peaceful and quiet because no one’s there. It’s meant to be busy, peaceful and quiet.
97. Is your life unfolding or unraveling? Either way, enjoy a nice quiet moment in the temple.
98. Sin blossoms for a short time, but salvation flowers forever. Plant something in the hearts of your children.
99. Esau was full for that day, but empty forever after. Go to the temple for eternal nourishment.
100. How many names have you submitted to the temple this year? An ephah, a firkin or a homer? You ought to shoot for at least a firkin by the end of the year.
101. The opposite of “why” is “why not”. “Why Not” go to the family history center?
102. In Hawaii, “aloha” is both a greeting and a farewell. When you say “Family history, a-l-o-h-a” is it coming or going?
103. Part of your uniqueness comes from your ancestors. Get acquainted.
104. Just because you’re looking doesn’t mean they want to be found. Try someone who’ll answer the doorbell.
105. If 30 billion have died and there are 12 million members here, then each member is stake president of 2,500 in the spirit world who need ordinances. Say, President, “How many in your Paradise South Stake already accepted the missionary lessons and are requesting baptism this year?”
106. If you “can’t be saved without your dead,” where do you think the unsaved go?
107. In the work for the dead, 1+1=3 and 2+2=9 because family power is multiplied.
108. Send an email to an ancestor. The terminal is at the temple.
109. Guilt is good. Cumulative guilt brings about change.
110. Family history for the busy person: 15 minutes per week = 1 hour per month = 1000 hours lifetime. Formidable!
111. If you could put one picture on your tombstone, rather than a TV or car or house or vacation or title, how about a picture of your hands… indicating service reaching out to others.
112. If I’m hosting a “tell me about your ancestors” party, and we’re going to feed everyone during your presentation … should I prepare some light snacks or will we have time for a 7 course meal?
113. If you could re-write the last ten years of your life, be sure to incorporate those changes into the ten on the horizon.
114. A smiler — smiles; an eater — eats; a helper — helps, and a savior — saves. If you are a Savior on Mount Zion, where is Mount Zion and who are you saving?
115. Do you know where all the individuals of scattered Israel have the covenants of Father Abraham renewed to them? It is in holy places.
116. As you leave the temple, the Lord’s name is upon you, His glory is round about you and his angels have charge over you.
117. The temple is the great spiritual spot remover.
118. There is no royal short cut for the world’s prestigious to go to the temple… all roads to the temple go through the bishop’s office.
119. The temple is an earthly united order where all are equal before God.
120. Do you want to perform a neighborly task today? Go to the temple and give an ancestor a new home.
121. The work for the dead is helpful for the dead but critical for the living.
122. Wonderful epitaph: “Mom dipped the beaters into the cake mix a second time so we could lick them again.”
123. We manicure our nails in a salon; we manicure our flowers in a garden; we manicure our souls in the temple.
124. Is your cascading fountain from the temple down to a trickle? Open up the floodgates.
125. It took ten dollars to hunt it up, and a hundred dollars to hush it up.
126. Did you ever hear of the little bang theory of evolution? Grandpa first proposed it when grandma baked her …..
127. Be ye an ensample that ye have turned from the altars of the un-doers and shew to us a better way.
128. Do ye shamefully entreat your family history?
129. Let your family be your glory and joy.
130. Does anyone in your family seem to be “too perfect?” I’m reminded of the story: The minister asked, “Was there ever a person except Christ who attained perfection?” A man timidly raised his hand in the back, rose and said “My wife’s first husband.”
131. If your ancestral family is the chocolate on your hot fudge sundae, is it deliciously scrumptious or fudgeless?
132. Family history has a language all itself. Loosely translated, it says … rich and creamy, with nuts on top.
133. Don’t get too pleased with yourself. Others have had a longer time to make up an even more outrageous story. It takes time.
134. All facts are not of equal value. Celestial facts are better.
135. You think your family line goes back a long ways? Well, my uncle lex was so famous they named the word lexicology (the study of words) after him.
136. Who makes up your weekly schedule? Offer them a celestial chocolate éclair for a few minutes of family history time.
137. Put life in “time out” while you do some family history.
138. Go to the website familysearch.org or rootsweb.com… on the other hand, just think about going there.
139. When you write your family history, don’t be so persnickety, it’s ok to just flail away.
140. When you first start, remember that a pencil has both lead and eraser, but the lead comes first.
141. Spare me your eloquent excuses. Mine are much better.
142. The most important part of your family tree is the trunk — without it, everything left is just leaves and dust. The trunk is the sealing power.
143. What is the fountain that feeds your family tree? It is the temple.
144. Let your thirst for family be filled.
145. When I come across unsavory family members, I remember this poem: When you get to heaven, you will likely view, many folks whose presence there, will be a shock to you. But, keep quiet, do not even stare, doubtless, there’ll be many folks, surprised to see you there.
146. Fathers, submit yourselves and your family to the spirit of Elijah.
147. If a spotted cow had a map of your ancestors, would the spots be scattered, connected or completely filled in?
148. To find the lost, you have to look.
149. Are you a welcomed addition to your ancestral family?
150. If you ancestors are in a place where the streets are paved with gold, do they get to walk on the streets or did they simply bring the gold bricks from the workhouse? Help them take up residence there.
151. Family history activities are like intermittent wipers. You can not only turn them on or off, you can also set the speed.
152. Don’t kid yourself. The great pyramids of Egypt will be like little sand castles when compared to the magnitude of your family tree.
153. If your database were offered at auction, would it be at the Little Nickel or Sotheby’s?
154. I got my dad’s third grade report card… Let me introduce you to the “real world.”
155. If your family history were a bobble-head doll, would it have much of a face on it?
156. Is you database average, small, dinky or microscopic? Don’t feel bad, all of these are better than zero.
157. Which of these is correct? Miniscule or minuscule. Hey, quit talking about my family history that way.
158. If we hid your family history under a postage stamp, what size font would the letters be? 14, 10, 6, 2, microchip.
159. If you turned on your faucet and known ancestors poured out, would you have a trickle or a flood?
160. If special glasses allowed you to see your ancestors, would you recognize any of them? … and maybe more importantly, would any of them recognize you?
161. Two key stones are used in a building: the cornerstone and the capstone. They’re at the beginning and the end. What stone do you need to build your ancestral mansion?
162. How many ancestors does it take to fill a thimble? Well, it depends on the size of the thimble. You’re the thimble-maker. How big is your thimble?
163. What would your genealogical picnic basket have in it? Potato salad without potatoes .. Sandwiches without the meat .. Jell-O without the jell .. sweet and sour ribs without the ribs. You’re the chef.
164. Entertainment is like cotton candy, pink, fluffy and sweet, but it lasts only for a moment. Try entertaining angels.
165. The foolish ask “why”; the wise say “when.”
166. Send your scapegoat bearing the excuses of the congregation to a far place so the work for the dead may come near.
167. Do you know of any promises of God that won’t be fulfilled? Then why do you think that he won’t “smite the earth with a curse” if we are negligent?
168. I wouldn’t mind it if the earth were massaged, but to be smitten seems a little harsh.
169. I made some motivational genealogical stickers called “all done” but the people I gave them to thought I was talking about making the stickers and said “why, thank you.”
170. Are you a family history widow? Surprise your spouse. Find a new name and add it to their database. When they discover it, they will say, “Surely an angel has done this.” And they will be right.
171. Let your works precede your words.
172. There is no lasting promise outside the temple.
173. Baptism, even though it is good, is insufficient.
174. You planted something today. You do every day. Will you like it when it is fully grown? If not, re-plow, re-seed and re-water and your harvest will be richer.
175. It does no good if your family history-mobile gets 60 miles per gallon on the freeway — if you’re not on the freeway.
176. Don’t be too puffed up by the size of your database. The ones you missed aren’t that impressed.
177. If you have a sense of humor, you’ll name your turtle “PAF.”
178. Unless you capture incoming inspiration, it flies away at the same speed.
179. The driver’s view out the front window is about 10 times larger than the view out the back through the rear view mirror. What’s your view of family history … front or back?
180. The glorious gospel includes glorious programs.
181. There’s a minimum speed on the gospel freeway or you will be ticketed and have to appear before the judge. Are you at least going the minimum?
182. Super size your genealogical activities. Think about it twice today.
183. If you were a genealogical maple leaf, what color would you be? green, red, yellow, brown, or fertilizer?
184. How much pressure would your family history hot air balloon have? 15psi, 30psi, 100 psi, or galactic explosion.
185. To lower air density in a hot air balloon without losing air pressure, you simply need to increase the speed of the air particles. It’s the same with family history. Move faster and your rise up.
186. If family history were done by the dead for the living, would you be: impatient, relaxed, satisfied, tortured.
187. If the earth shouted for joy at it’s creation, how does it feel now with 100 temples on its surface?
188. Is it better to do a little work, imperfectly; or no work, exactly?
189. My ancestor sent me a letter with three names to take to the temple. He addressed it to: “Interested Party” at my address. I wasn’t, so I threw it away.
190. The letter from my ancestor had Paradise as the return address but I didn’t know anyone in Paradise, AK, AL, AR, CA, CO, FL, ID, KS, IN, KY, MD, MI, MO, NV, NJ, NY, OH, OK, PA, TX, UT, or WA so I didn’t open it.
191. The weapons of our warfare are computers, family history centers, transportation, temples and time. May we go on to victory!
192. It is unwise to measure yourself against another. You are your own measure. You measure how tall you should stand and how fast you should run. … Stand tall. Run a good race.
193. Can anyone stop you from performing a good work? Yes, but there is only one, and you can choose the better part.
194. If your basket is made of family history reeds, is it big enough for one egg or a henhouse.
195. You may not think much of some ancestors, but the story isn’t fully written yet. You are writing some of it and so are they.
196. Look at a baby picture of yourself, your parents and your grandparents. See any similarities?
197. If you were for sale, would your ancestor buy you?
198. A 50 year old car can be a beautiful classic or a bucket of bolts; it depends on the care it was given. What’s the condition of your old family histories, certificates and photos?
199. How many ancestors can you get into a “volks”wagon? It depends on how well they like you.
200. Given enough time, almost all families have kings and presidents, and sheep thieves and robbers. If your family is lacking in one of the four, could you apply for the position?
201. Given your family heritage, would we call your town wonderville or fruitdale?
202. Do you have an ancestor born in the 1400’s? (ZZZZzzzz…. of course you did or you wouldn’t be here)
203. Which ancestor is having a birthday today? Wish them happy birthday.
204. When your ancestors lived anciently, did you view their activities?… Likewise, do you think they’re aware of you now?
205. It is your opportunity to bridge an ancestral gap that has existed for hundreds of years.
206. Whoever packed your parachute in the pre-existence, so you could come to earth, do their work first. They may be in charge of the return flight.
207. Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Frank are still in the “guest house” in spirit prison… someone needs to complete the court’s orders for baptism and confirmation to have them released.
208. Some say fun is in and pleasure rocks, but duty, duty, duty knocks.
209. The earlier your ancestors get their spiritual flu shot, the more good they can do among the sick there.
210. If you ever feel beleaguered, have a refreshing ancestor frappe.
211. Invite an ancestor to dinner. Set a place for them. Tell their story.
212. Bishop’s view of family history: The local bishop climbed the hill every morning at 6 am and watched the train go through town. Why? “I just love seeing something in this town move without me pushing it.”
213. They agreed to come to the earth during a time of spiritual darkness, with the promise that you would come in the day of brightness and do their temple work.
214. If you’d like to make a splash on the other side, make one on this side at the baptistry.
215. The irony of life is it’s not about you, it’s about others.
216. When it’s time to nurture your family roots, go the Family History Center for fertilizer.
217. There are three ways to do family history: 1- You do it; 2- Motivate someone else to do it; or 3- Marry into it. Pick one and move forward.
218. You’re the gas in your family history-putt putt. Seen any new scenery recently?
219. This is Family History in its simplest terms: find a name, go to the temple; find two names, take a friend to the temple; find 10 names, meet your family at the temple.
220. Get in the express line at the temple, take your own family name.
221. In the family history race, it isn’t who comes in first; first place goes to all who come in again and again and again.
222. On your 4-wheeled family history bike, are all wheels turning the same direction?
223. It’s time to prune your ancestral tree. They’re getting rid of the dead wood. Are you in danger of becoming mulch?
224. You may be tired of doing good things, but are the good things tried of being done?
225. What will penetrate your armor of independence?
226. I’m having a hard time moving the Family History Center to you. Can you meet me part way?
227. Go to the temple with a question… and listen.
228. Don’t wait to plan a visit to the Family History Center. Allot a certain amount of time and the way will unfold.
229. What animal best describes your family history? _____ … You can change animals if you want to.
230. If each propeller represents 500 names, does your family history beanie have one, two or three propellers?
231. What does your family history answer phone have as a message? Ring, ring; no such number; temporarily disconnected; I’m so glad you called; I’ll call back ASAP; I already knew you were going to call and did the work.
232. Can I give you a fashion tip? Family history and Temple Work will be in style for 1,000 years.
233. If you seem to be someone, is your recognition short term or long term?
234. Green represents growth… get involved in greenealogy.
235. The law of substitution says temple work will cover many-a-shortcoming. Let the short comers take note.
236. Be zealously affected in a good work.
237. Do you persecute those who do family history by under appreciating their efforts?
238. You can’t enjoy the breeze in your face while flying downhill unless you first go uphill.
239. The love you feel for your spouse will gradually disappear unless sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. The sealing requires maintenance.
240. Could you mail your family history with a 55 cent stamp or would it take a Priority Pack to house it?
241. The gospel rule is clear about enduring half-way … you better make sure it’s the second half and not the first.
242. Get time-and-a-half in a labor of love by going to the temple in your free time.
243. Puff up your ancestors. A little leaven leavens the whole family.
244. Having trouble getting traction in family history? Try the new 5-ply family history snow tires.
245. If they put a radar gun on your family history, would it measure 65, 55, 35, 15, or just hiccup?
246. I was so open-minded that family history just fell right out.
247. What’s the going price for a family linked together? Whether the family is alive or dead, the price is the same….. Time.
248. Don’t be the roadblock that keeps spirits on the other side of the veil from completing their assignments.
249. When you die, don’t plan on taking a long trip.
250. Hold hands with an ancestor.
251. The key to your ancestor’s heart lies within your familial feelings.
252. Do your temple mileposts indicate you are getting closer or further away?
253. A engine on a block with a broken muffler and a dragster engine make the same amount of noise, but do not move at the same speed. Which are you?
254. Are you little because of your accomplishments or your humility?
255. If you had 3 cents left over from a full life, on what activity would you spend it?
256. In your family history baseball game, what’s the score? Do you have runners in scoring position? Who’s the clean-up hitter?
257. My tip for beating the heat: Use family history reflector shields.
258. Would you like a family history home delivery system? You already have one. If you do it, you get to go home.
259. Do you want to write a best seller in the spirit world? Go to templeattendance.com for instructions.
260. Freon for spiritual air conditioning is not free.
261. Speak to me of spiritual things. My spirit yearns for the old conversations.
262. The shuttle to Paradise has plenty of room. Do you have your flight number?
263. Fluffy clouds can be turbulent inside. Don’t be deluded by the world’s fluffiness. Go to the temple for real peace.
264. Need a good flotation device for the next life? How about an ancestral seat cushion.
265. Does your family history-mobile have 4 gears forward and 1 reverse, or 1 forward and 4 reverse?
266. The carpool lane to the Family History Center is very fast… to use it, take a friend.
267. The Family History Center is missing only one thing in order to perform a great work …. The laborer.
268. Look at the Family History Center as a safe house from the fiery darts of the adversary.
269. Do you want to add a little intrigue to your family history? It’s probably already there… you just have to find it.
270. Family history parking lights are good if you are parked; but you need bright lights if you are moving.
271. Is your family history flammable or inflammable? Hopefully both. They mean to grow hot with excitement or excessive feelings.
272. As you get older, how many gospel blessings are you willing to retire from?
273. If you could pick one ancestor to be your guide in the spirit world, who would it be?
274. Hopefully your abode in the spirit world will be more than a laundry room with bars.
275. How fast can you go in the spirit world? It depends on your location. One place is 25 mph (heavily populated) but the other is like lightning.
276. What’s the drink for tomorrow? Heavenly Breeze or Devil’s Delight. You get to choose.
277. Is your country home – more country or more home? To make it “more home”, add family.
278. Are your ancestors lazy, shiftless, incompetent? Hum … a chip off the old block.
279. What is the difference between a journal and the book of life? One is written downstairs and the other upstairs.
280. If family history and temple work are so important, why don’t more people do them? (Maybe it’s because you can only give A’s to 10% of the class)
281. Family history tools both at home and at the Family History Center should be worn and used rather than new and shiny and in a glass case for maximum preservation.
282. It’s a bad sign if your spirit world tour guide is wearing stripes.
283. Ever say something that came out wrong? So have they. Forgive the old family frailties from years ago.
284. It is not humble to do nothing.
285. Let the Spirit of Elijah beguile you.
286. If you life story has two chapters left, what will they be?
287. Will the “keyword search” in your life history include family, ancestors, family history, submitted, temple, attended?
288. Your descendants in the millennium will look to you in a remarkable way. At 3 kids per family, every 33 years – In year 100 you have 27 family members; in year 300 you have 10,000; by year 500 you have six million, by year 700 you have five billion descendants. It is no small labor you are involved in.
289. What is there about your personal history that you would have rewritten? You still have chance to over-write it.
290. Create a life that others will talk about.
291. The faster you go, the more wind. No turbulence means no movement. Stir up some air.
292. If a descendant were to write your history, what would they want it to say?
293. If life’s exit speed is 45, there is no reason to be going 20 and clogging up traffic. Use your family history accelerator.
294. The life of your ancestor is like an open book… but the pages are blank and you get to fill them in.
295. In your Family history soccer game, the score is two to zip. Which are you?
296. The silence was deafening. Are we at an opera, a slumber party or the family history center?
297. An “army of one” doesn’t mean we can’t use more soldiers.
Enlist at the center.
298. In family history, it’s both the quality and the quantity.
299. If one of the ten lepers gave thanks, were they unequally healed? Base your genealogical activities on the ten needy not the one grateful.
300. How stunning is your genealogical sunset? Is it overcast or breathtaking?
301. Do you do family history because of earth or heaven?
302. Lots of things have stripes: bongo, zebra, beetle, grandma, skunks, tigers, grandpa, okapi, hyena, dolphin, bass … did you notice any relatives? (besides the hyena)
303. Hazard lights on your family history-mobile mean you are stopped and helping someone else, or you are broken down.
304. Family history is like water skiing, a little rough getting up out of the water, but smooth going when you are on top.
305. The Olympics of family history would surely include events in typing, scanning, computer endurance exercises, power lifting, puzzle speed races and temple stamina events.
306. If a ballroom dance were named after your family history, would it be called a minuet or a full-blown musical.
307. Would your family history orchestra have only a flute or would it include a full ensemble of instruments?
308. To which group would they sell more tickets to your funeral? To those who want to see you come or go?
309. If you genealogical glass is half full, does that mean you are half-way there or you sprung a leak?
310. Family history puts crystal water in your spiritual fountain.
311. There is an early-bird special at the Family History Center. You get double blessings for those who arrive.
312. We have a parking space reserved for you at the Family History Center… actually, we have 250 of them.
313. Is your genealogical cruise control set at 60, 45, 30, 15, or 1?
314. You have an overdue book at the library: The 100 greatest distractions… by D. D. Dontbugme.
315. Can your honor your parents without knowing them?
316. Does the armor of God include a family history nose guard?
317. Be an ambassador of your grand-parents.
318. Who loved first, you or your parents? Who loves last?
319. If you merge onto Family History Boulevard, you won’t run out of pavement.
320. Is your faith large enough to include a lively spirit world?
321. Your secret works will be revealed from the rooftops — maybe family history secrets.
322. Your ancestor’s feelings are mirrored in your anxiety to do family history.
323. What do these describe: zealous, fervent, anxious, moved .. your family history or your non-family history?
324. Put some dry ice into your family history… let there be bursting bubbles, streams of smoke, and fluffy clouds.
325. Inquire to find out for yourself if this is the work of God.
326. Don’t covet another’s family history — yours will grow one person at a time to a multitudinous congregation.
327. Pray for this unspeakable gift… then speak for the dead.
328. Who has the greater love? Your ancestor, You, or Your descendant.
329. How about a nice religious name for your next child: Preserve, Faith, Constant, Patience, Comfort, Increase, Hope, Resolute, Truth, Charity, Resolve, Seraph, Temperance, Remembrance, Freedom, Restore, (they’re all my ancestral names).
330. How glorious is your family history?
331. Here is plainness in family history: Grandma was born, died; was baptized, endowed and sealed. And I love her.
332. The world may trouble you on every side but the inside… the heart is where the family is.
333. Would you like to taste heavenly food? Go to the cafeteria in the temple.
334. Can your grandpa marry his brother-in-law’s wife’s sister? Sure, that’s how you got here.
335. Don’t get baked in the squat. Rise up.
336. Is it easier to do family history in Washington, Bolivia, Japan or France? Yes – Si – Hai – Oui
337. What’s your financial plan for retirement? It depends on which life you are talking about and how luxurious you want it to be….
338. When boy-girl, becomes mr-mrs, becomes grandpa-grandma, a Kingdom has been created.
339. If the cost to do family history is an hour a week, what is the cost if you don’t do it?
340. If your family history were a stock, would it more closely resemble Microsoft or Enron?
341. Does the shoe store get top billing over the Family History Center?
342. The upper-graduate level of the gospel is filled with pedigree charts and temple attendance.
343. What do the initials after your name stand for? … CPA, BA, PHD .. how about we use FHC since you are at the Family History Center so much we just assumed it was part of your name.
344. Maybe terrible really won’t be all that terrible …. but then, maybe it’s an understatement.
345. Does your family history air filter need a cleaning? Or are you actually missing the filter?
346. You get triple advantage points for early family history.
347. How fast does the air flow over your family history wings? Lift is created by the “over the wings” flow, not under.
348. If family history were cheese, is yours sharp, mild or Swiss?
349. If family history were a hairstyle, would yours be a beehive, a flat-top, or would you be balding?
350. In a family history submarine, you will see wonders and colors never before imagined.
351. There’s ample room on the other side for both talkers and doers. They’re just not in the same place — one is in a desert and the other in a meadow.
352. Is it harder to do family history here or in the spirit world? Are you willing to bet the farm on the answer?
353. When people get married, it’s no longer “his” family history and “her” family history… it all becomes “her” family history…. Now come on, priesthood holders…
354. Magnifying your credit card is not as important as magnifying your ancestors.
355. Can you imagine? “No son, no family history for you ’til you finish your video game.”
356. If you could put family history in your gas tank, how fast would your vehicle go?
357. The difference between cold and could is the “u”. It’s the same with family history .. it’s the “you”.
358. Which is your family history fuel? Supreme, hi octane, regular or “temporarily out.”
359. Is your genealoging a mansion, a townhouse, or a cubicle?
360. Are you confused about family history? It’s one person at a time.
361. If you excuse is more than six months old, it’s like a stale date on a check — you need a new check.
362. The only equal asset all of us have is time. No one gets 25. Everyone gets 24 new ones each day.
363. Put your own name on the prayer roll at the temple — and with thousands of prayers pushing you, you will move forward.
364. Family History must edify or it has no eternal significance.
365. Search for a season, that you may rest forever.
366. Is your gospel plan large enough to include family history and temple work?
367. Work while it is called today, for tomorrow may be swallowed up in slumber.
368. Your actions mirror the intents of you heart.
369. For an alternative fuel source to create maximum power, try family history.
370. Guaranteed weight-loss program: Walk to the local family history center twice a week. You will lose “waiting” on the other side.
371. Hoping someone else will do your family history is like “investing” in the lottery.
372. Travel into the future in your mind. Ask around. “What will be of the galactic value?” Then do it.
373. Give your computer a workout. Make it figure out bow tie pedigrees, 5th cousin 4 times removed relationships, Ahnentafel (pedigree) charts … show no mercy.
374. Are you at least a paragraph in the genealogical book of life?
375. If the dead can see you… oh, that’s right … they can.
376. Tug on the heartstrings of a loved one. Read their history.
377. How long will the local temple be in existence? At least through this week end. Take advantage of it while the sun shines.
378. Don’t exit life before your third act is over. The final scene has many temples in it.
379. Have you logged more than a thousand FreeCell victories? Shame on you. You need to switch over to “FreeAuntLizzie” victories.
380. Go to the temple and enjoy the company of some Celestial Celebrities who live right among you.
381. If talking were a fan and doing were a heater, would you be cooler or warmer? Beware, a furious talker might even generate frostbite.
382. Building your friends up by doing less than them is counter-productive.
383. If family history were a blind date, would it be a quiet evening or a moon-bathed, romantic outing?
384. What’s your “on” button with family history? Photos … stories … certificates … temples … You do have an “on” button, don’t you?
385. What’s an ancestor’s favorite earthly letter? … probably “U”.
386. The hole in your armor is where your family history “on” button goes.
387. What would your personalized family history license plate be? “Me #1”, or “U #1” or “It’s #1”
388. If you were their doctor, what kind of care would your ancestors be getting? … Any appointments today, Doc?
389. How many ancestors does it take to send one name to the temple? One live descendant.
390. Family history and temple work are not a spectator sport.
392. Your example is going to be examined.
393. Every activity counts — some single digits, some double and some triple.
394. Was the airplane ride of life a little bumpy? Good, that indicates movement.
395. Say who? Say what? Say when? Say where? … All are good family history questions.
396. Using the “good, better, best” philosophy, … Move your activities up one level.
397. If the few don’t do it, then who does?
398. Family History is like exercise … painful at first but exhilarating and strengthening over time.
399. How many peanuts does it take to make peanut butter? None. It takes people to make peanut butter… so it is with family history.
400. Some of us don’t need a bushel to hide our light under… a thimble would suffice. Turn up the lamp with a visit to the temple.
401. What’s our national pastime? Sports … music … travel … entertainment? It ought to be service. So — “Go Service, Go!”
402. Spiritual DNA is linked in the temple.
403. The dead will rise in the resurrection, and some of us will get an earful.
404. What’s the difference between hole and whole? It’s the silent “double-u.” You make a double difference between emptiness and everything.
405. What’s the difference between ate and innate? One got eaten, the other was born within… Be born and go forth.
406. If an “8” humbles itself and falls over, it becomes the symbol for infinity. Leave yourself, fall over and do the Lord’s work.
407. Taking an ancestor’s name to the temple does two things: It saves and endows two souls, and increases the missionary force on the other side by one.
408. Bigger is better when it comes to a good thing. The New Testament uses the phrase “more fruit.”
409. How many rooms does your ancestral mansion have in it? You are the architect. You can build in extra moons and suns if you’d like to. Sharpen your drawing pencil at the family history center.
410. Family history is an equal employment opportunity with great health benefits and a generous vacation package.
411. If family history were your toothpaste, would you be kissing sweet?
412. If your family history were a road sign, would it be “my mommy works here,” “busy intersection ahead,” “heavy traffic,” “men at work,” “detour ahead,” “abandoned road,” or “dead end?”
413. Carry-on luggage for the Celestial Kingdom is limited to one small hand carry and no extra baggage.
414. You need to stir the soup of the gospel so the heavy stuff doesn’t just settle on the bottom.
415. The volcanic ash of family history can provide rich fertilizer for hundreds of years of growth.
416. What if we are wrong and the main purpose of life isn’t good health, ease, peace, comfort and recognition … then most of humanity may have a problem.
417. Do you need a spiritual tune-up? Special service available Tuesday thru Saturday at the temple. All models welcomed.
418. “Is it crowded there in paradise?” “Just a minute,” grandma answered, “I can’t find anyone to ask.”
419. Heavenly game board: You are now free to move about heaven… whoops, sorry, you need to qualify first. Go back three spaces. Go to the temple.
420. Is your slope a little slippery? Personalized traction tires are available at the temple.
421. Any chance we can dream our way into the Celestial Kingdom? Dream on, but lower the destination.
422. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a bump or a hole in the road. Both cause a jolt. Smooth out life’s ride with continual temple visits.
423. A zipper can both keep in and keep out. Which applies to your family history?
424. A new, modern, energy-efficient thermostat is of no value unless it is connected to the heater. Are you connected?
425. Our phones have both outgoing and incoming calls. In the spirit prison, they only have incoming lines. For contact, you have to call them.
426. The gospel has an open seating plan for destinations beyond the veil.
427. At the airport of life they sell fool’s gold. The gold is glittery and the lines are long. But real wealth is received years earlier; it is found on altars in the temple.
428. The source of an opinion is more important than the length or loudness. A heavenly source is highest above all.
429. I know it’s interesting, but does it really matter where you lived or where you worked? Some things really do matter.
430. Have you ever had to jump start your car? It takes a jolt to make a difference. Be a jolt in your family.
431. Some proxies are better than others. A proxy for your treadmill isn’t all that effective … but a proxy in the temple is powerful.
432. What do you listen to on your family history CD changer? “I Stand All Amazed,” or “The Time is Far Spent.”
433. Catch some air. Ride your family history balloon for a while.
434. Exhilarating updrafts at the Family History Center.
435. Get your family history Chia Pet. Give grandpa Jones some hair.
436. Are the Blue Angels really blue? Is Dr Pepper really a doctor? Is family history really hard? No, No, and No.
437. Who’s more dead to the work of Elijah? Them or us?
438. If you stick your tongue out at the dead, do they notice it? Are they irritated, bored or happy that someone finally noticed them?
439. Is captivity confining? What do you think about grandma being in “the hole?” It doesn’t seem very dignified, does it?
440. To move from an island to the mainland you have to both swim and float. Neither is sufficient alone. It is the same with family history so jump in and get wet.
441. You get to live each day over and over, until you get it right. And that usually happens on a day you went to the temple.
442. We can’t live in the temple, but the temple can live in us.
443. If you were a three-spired temple, representing the three-fold mission of the church, how tall would your spires be?
444. If the three-fold mission of the church were a stool, would you be level?
445. Pray to find an ancestor. Both of you are lost without each other.
446. To be a sparkling personality, you need some carbonation. Try some ancestral fizzies to sparkle up your life.
447. Some need extra credit for life’s assignments. Go to the Family History Center for high credit classes.
448. The difference between babble, bobble and bubble is the second space in each word. If you are going to float up to heaven, you need to get it right; otherwise you just babble or bobble.
449. You shouldn’t check the minefields of life with your big toe. Use the iron rod strengthened by temple attendance.
450. Some internet sites, like familysearch.org, reach into the spirit world. Visit a friend. Enjoy the trip.
451. In order to inherit, you have to disinherit your personal self. Find someone else to focus on… help an ancestor.
452. Peanuts are dry and crusty on the outside but become silky smooth when worked. That’s probably true for most of us.
453. My ancestors have applied for a work-release program. The conditions are that I do the work and they get the release.
454. Inward power is developed outwardly — movement words like do, go, act, meet, find, search and submit are the framework.
455. The family history sun is bright and warm, but only if you come out from under the blanket of overload.
456. Cyberspace, outer space and celestial space are in vastly different galaxies.
457. You need family history glasses for both near-sighted and far-sighted challenges. Wear them and get a new perspective on life.
458. If your family history were at the end of the rainbow, would it more likely be a pot of gold, a potted plant or a pea pod?
459. Do you want to “crash” at the Family History Center? Parachutes provided, drop on in.
460. Come by the Family History Center and visit the old folks you knew before you came to earth.
461. Do you want to get a serious buzz? Plug into some family history.
462. Do you want a front seat for the resurrection? Have an ancestor reserve a seat for you.
463. Is your seat comfortable? But then, it isn’t the comfort of the seat but the direction that you are headed that’s important.
464. Worldly flight plan: “Welcome aboard. As long as it doesn’t matter where we’re headed, this will be a really fun trip.” … There’s a better way. You be the captain of your flight.
465. If you’re interested in comfort, you would want the flights on the lower level. This flight is bumpier but goes straight there.
466. Based on the past, there will be very few of us that get out of this life alive. Make it count.
467. Is your family history more like cotton candy or steak and potatoes?
468. Do you want to give your ancestors a tasty snack? How about a Submission Soufflé to add to their feast.
469. Guess which kingdom has plants with 100 stems growing out of the same trunk, each with different flowers. Tour buses are available at the temple.
470. It seems ironic that the dead can only be made perfect through us, the imperfect.
471. The only qualification for family history and temple work is to be perfectly imperfect, and to be it often.
472. Do the dead know the names of the living? Will your name be spoken in hallowed reverence?
473. Do you have a heavenly flight plan? Do you have oil and fuel? Is the runway cleared of debris? Then let’s take off. It will be majestic.
474. Spiffy is a synonym for family history and temple work. It’s a fun word, and so are they.
475. Do you want to sharpen your heavenly skills? Practice at the temple.
476. Your ancestors are not really lost. They are just misplaced.
477. Commemorate your baptism date with a visit to the temple.
478. Is your current path askew? Maybe you need an “and it came to pass” moment.
479. Are you locked and loaded for the spirit world?
480. Have you ever gotten a member recall notice? The repair work is done in the temple.
481. I suspect your manufacturer’s warranty says … “avoid hazardous situations or this warranty is voided.” Go to a safe place.
482. Does “living on the edge” mean you went to the family history center twice this week?
483. If they gave out Oscars for the “Best Excuse Award”, would you be on the short list, surprisingly nominated, or a runaway winner.
484. You can’t wish good results. The intention turns to action which results in good.
485. Undone family history doesn’t get tastier the longer it simmers. It eventually boils away and cannot be recaptured.
486. There’s plenty of work left to do on both sides of the veil to save this earth’s people.
487. I have the prescription for your ailing family members in spirit prison. You go forth and so do they.
488. God’s faithful children rejoice in wonderful exhortations.
489. The kingdom you go to is inversely related to the size of your ego. Get an ego trim at the family history center.
490. Tow trucks are available at the family history center. We would be glad to come and get you.
491. Can you take your jewels to the celestial kingdom? Yes, but you don’t wear them. You sup with them.
492. No, you can’t unseal the rascals … but then, neither can they.
493. The Jew’s explosion of Mosaic laws and practices to hundreds of intricate rules would overload me… I’m more of a simple soul: find a name, go to the temple; find a name, go to the temple; find a name, go to the temple.
494. Do you want a “wonder” to ponder on? I “wonder” how I’ll fare in heaven without my dead.
495. What’s this joy that passes all understanding? Eternal families.
496. Spirit prison is not just a state of mind, it’s isolated, hard time.
497. Between the opening of the 7th seal and the second coming, there will be much family history and temple work to complete.
498. Do tremors really come in three’s? Then let’s shake some ancestors loose.
499. Does your life have more dribble, dross or drama? Introduce a spicy ancestor to your family for Act II.
500. In life, a well-used eraser indicates much activity.
501. Help your ancestors solve their “wait” problem on the other side… give them some nutritious family history fruits and vegetables.
502. Why does it take a father and mother to form a family? Because Heavenly Father wants to give each child a double chance for success.
503. I want to love my ancestors as myself, but I’m not sure they can stand that much attention.
504. Heard any funny stories from your family hysterian.
505. The shortest family history poem: You die, I die … hi.